Take this sinking ship and point it home

I hate feeling like a terrible person.  I don’t want it to be true, but if I am, that’s what I have to live with.  It could just be me putting myself down, however, if I hurt other people, then it just makes me feel like shit.  It’s not even that serious.  I have the worst guilty conscience I know.  I regret.  And I regret too often.  Why is it that everyone else can be happy?  I feel like, I’m the only person who can’t be… like there’s a force that’s stopping me from finding some kind of contentment in my life.  But now that I look at it, I could be the force stopping myself.  I feel like joy might be too good for me; I don’t deserve it.  I haven’t done anything that could make me deserve it.  At this point, I should just find God or something.  I’m anchored to myself, to my feelings, and most importantly, to my mistakes.

We all make mistakes.  We all learn and we grow.  And I won’t feel bad for my mistakes anymore, but that will take a while to sink in.  Let’s see how this goes.

I’m tired of looking for perfection or having too many expectations.  I’m sick of having standards.  For once, I want to appreciate someone who likes me.  Now, I know I’m getting carried away, but maybe I’m not?  I don’t even care anymore, I just want to be happy.

I’m probably the only person in the world who doesn’t really like Christmas, but Merry Christmas anyways!

So I have to write another research paper and this time I think I might compare Dorothea Dix’s childhood and establishing of insane asylums to Michael Jackson and Neverland Ranch.  Good idea or no?

I can’t stand myself for this.  I’m honestly just kidding myself at this point and I should not have any feelings.  None.  But out of nowhere, my stomach feels like it’s being tied in knots, and I can’t stop thinking about you.  I have no right to.. but I want to get it off my chest, but I can’t.  I’m jealous.  I’m confused.  I have to stop this now.

I should have never gone.

Well I-I, I wanna be your lover
I wanna be your man
I want you to understand

And I-I, I wanna open your door
And love you ‘til you’re sore
That works for - wait a minute, wait a minute!
Yeah

I wanna be your thing, your anything your everything oh yeah

And I-I, I wanna fill your cup (cup cup cup)
Fill it up, fill it up to the brim with love
That works for - wait a minute, wait a minute!

You’ll never have to ask
I’ll give you my sweet grass
I’m gonna mesmerize your ass
Just give me my first chance, it’s gonna be the last
I’m gonna make you wanna stay

I-I I wanna be your cow
Give you all the milk around town
Let me see, let me see you drink it down
I-I, I wanna be the pear tree
I want you to climb all over me
Try my fruit and taste my seed

Climb right on me, lay it on me
C-climb right on me, l-lay it on me!

Just let my do my thing
Until you start to sing
I’m going down all you night long
I’m gonna build a bond
I’m pullin’ out my wand
Feels so right it can’t be wrong!

Yeah!

Well I-I, I wanna be your lover
I wanna be your man
I want you to understand

And I-I, I wanna be you lover baby
I wanna be your girl
Blow a kiss and change the world, yeah

We’re gonna make it through
You got me and I got you
Your bleedin’ heart’s at my command
If you don’t love me to
Then bein’ friends will do
Long as you let me in your bed!

I wonder if I made a mistake doing what I did.  Did I ruin my chances or did I improve them?  I don’t know if I’ll ever find out.  In all actuality, I didn’t improve or ruin anything…